Airline Confidential

 

Richard Havers & Christopher Tiffney

It’s surprising that so few books have been written about what really happens in the airline business. Perhaps the truth is just to ghastly, amazing, or down right worrying to be told. What’s assembled here are a collection of stories, anecdotes, facts, tit bits, and pieces of trivia about what is a fascinating business. Most of them are true, and those that are not we thought were just too funny to leave out. We think you’ll be able to work out what’s true and what’s not. The truth is often stranger than fiction, which means that some of those which are true are almost unbelievable


Air travel has, to use the old cliché, caused the world to shrink. Whether or not it’s a good thing is open to debate. If nothing else it has created employment for millions around the world. Which is particularly good for those who are employed by airlines because without air travel they would have to get a proper job.


In the days before the Second World War it was only the very rich and the very famous that would fly in commercial aircraft; there were exceptions like Prime Ministers seeking appeasement but in general it’s a truism. Of course it was only the very rich, and those that were slightly mad, who flew for pleasure in light aircraft. The concept of flying to Paris or some other near-by destination on board an aircraft that was nosier than hell captured the public’s imagination. Those that flew further afield on the flying boats of Imperial Airways were at the very pinnacle of fame, wealth and celebrity.


It was the pilots that created the illusion of glamour that the airline business has traded off ever since – it certainly wasn’t the aircraft in the late 1940s and early 1950s. Dashing ex-military types became civilian airline pilots who wore their caps at a jaunty angle, had a devil-may-care attitude and gave the illusion of having the most interesting of lives to many who were stuck with their feet firmly on the ground.


As the airline business expanded into something that resembled a real business rather than some kind of hobby, you would think that it would have become more serious. Big jets, rather than ex-military propeller aircraft, radically altered their operations, but did not fundamentally change the way airlines behaved – the boys and their toys syndrome continued for many a year.


During the last twenty-five years or so the air travel business has experienced a revolution. More fuel-efficient engines have radically altered the cost of flying, the unionized - fat, dumb and happy approach of the 1960s and ‘70s was replaced by the lean and mean attitude of the new carriers– like Southwest in the USA or Ryanair and easyJet in Europe. Not that the switch from the old to the new has made things any the less interesting. There’s been no noticeable downturn in applications for the mile high club, or reduction in people behaving badly on planes.


Psychologists would no doubt be able to explain, in terms the rest of us would find difficult to understand, why it is that people and aircraft frequently don’t mix. Undoubtedly it’s got something to do with the fact that most of us are nervous about flying – to varying degrees. No matter how the statistics shape up the average person can’t help thinking, “How is it those things stay up there?” As often as not people who are travelling are tense about time. Will the flight be late, or will it get me to the next airport to make my connection? Will I make that important business meeting? All this is a recipe for conflict. At check-in passengers are not at their most charming, especially if told that their flight is overbooked or late for any one of a hundred seemingly bizarre reasons. This often leads to the strange phenomenon of perfectly reasonable people uttering the immortal line. “Do you know who I am?”


Once passengers are on board then the desire to have a drink will as often as not kick in. Indeed with some they can’t even wait that long, they start in the terminal. whatever the case it often precipitates a sharp downturn in their normal standards of behaviour. There was a period when the scheduled airlines began offering free drinks in their economy cabins - not a good idea. One upside of the low fare revolution is that the low cost carriers charge for drinks, even water, and so the chances of someone getting a little too merry are drastically reduced.


People behaving badly, or bizarrely, are not the only things that give rise to airlines and air travel being a source of amusement. Flying is fun, air travel is fascinating and it’s the source of more than its fair share of amusing incidents.


Ladies and gentlemen, sit back and relax and prepare to be amused.


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